36 Weeks Pregnant & Counting

Silly Ms. Mabel...

She still thinks the crib is for her!

 

I did a pen/ink drawing inspired by the Spanish moss covered trees in Savannah, Georgia for the nursery. I chose to get married in Savannah just to have my pictures taken under trees like these.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant today.

It's all downhill from here. :-) I've been having a lot of contractions and pains. My doctor doesn't think I will make it to full term (40 weeks). I think she may come this week.

The nursery is done. The baby clothes are washed and put away. There are just a few more items that we need to purchase, but nothing major.

I felt like I was going into labor while making the yummy Cajun Chicken Pasta from the Pioneer Woman. She's pretty much fabulous. It was worth it.

Sweet honey bee

Dear Lillian,

I hope you will always remember your parents like that picture. Everybody fights and has bad days. It's important to surround yourself with people that will stick with you through those bad days and love you anyways.

That's how I think of your father. Somebody who sticks with me through my bad days and loves me still the same, if not more.

Sunshine

Sometimes a little sunshine can do the soul some good. Being cooped up all day can cause some serious cabin fever and make you feel depressed.

I miss taking my camera out on walks and photographing nature. I miss being in nature. So I took my computer out on the back deck and let the sunshine warm my skin. 

 It's kind of amazing what you can photograph with an iphone camera.

I will wait for you...

I'm working on figuring out some things in my life. I'm stuck between my former free spirited independent self and being a mom with a baby that will depend on me for everything. I'm super ready to take on my new role. It's hard to figure out what I can balance alongside my new role. Once I get in the swing of being a new mom, I think I'll get a better idea of my future.

I don't like quitting and I don't like failing, so I don't want to start something new if I cannot fully commit to it. Lily has slowly changed me and made me realize that success means nothing if I don't take the time out to care for her. When God asks me one day, "What did you do with what I gave you?" I want to be able to say that I took the greatest gift he gave me and loved her, took time to care for her and raised her to be a loving woman of God. I'd hate to stand there in front of him and say, "I used my creativity you blessed me with to make as much money as possible so I can have nice things." I think I can share my talents with her. I don't have to share them with everyone in the world...because I think she will become my world.

I will wait for you, Lillian, to make these decisions about my future...

Progress so far...week 32.

It's been a while since I've posted. It's been a difficult past few weeks with being on bed rest.

Here are some maternity photos that my mom took of me.

I have acid reflux all night long and hardly sleep anymore. I think I'll get more sleep after I give birth! :-)

The thought that she could come any day freaks me out. I started to pack her diaper bag today, but was too exhausted to finish. Tomorrow I'll work on my hospital bag. My energy level has diminished to nonexistent!

Dear Lillian, I'd do anything for you...

Dear Lillian,

I'm in my 27th week and you have decided to prepare to come out. We aren't quite ready to meet you little lady. As anxious as I am to see your little face and kiss those little toes, I need you to stay in a little longer to grow stronger.

The doctor put me on strict bed rest. I'm only allowed to get up to tinkle and sit up to eat. It's been three days and I'm going insane. I'm trying to focus on the fact that in just a couple of months...I will get the best reward ever...YOU! I'd do anything for you, including lying down for 10 weeks straight.

So quit trying to be early for everything like your father! You will come out when God is ready for you to come out. :-)

Dear Lillian, Break Free from my sin

Dear Lillian,

I've been reading a book called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. There was an excerpt in the book from a book by Gilda Radner called It's Always Something

When I was little, Dibby told me a story about her cousin who had a dog – just a mutt – and the dog was pregnant. I don’t know how long dogs are pregnant, but she was due to have her puppies in about a week. She was out in the yard one day and got in the way of the lawnmower and her two back legs got cut off. They rushed her to the vet who said, "I can sew her up, or you can put her to sleep if you want. But the puppies are OK – she’ll be able to deliver the puppies.

Dibby’s cousin said, "keep her alive."

So the vet sewed up her backside and over the next week that dog learned how to walk. She didn’t spend any time worrying; she just learned to walk by taking two steps in the front and flipping up her backside and then taking two more steps and flipping up her backside again. She gave birth to six little puppies, all in perfect health. She nursed them and then weaned them. And when they learned to walk, they all walked like her.

The bible says in Exodus 20:5

"You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me..."

 In the book I'm reading, she mentions that God isn't saying you will be punished for my sins, but rather you will be affected by my sins. The choices I make, whether good or bad, will have a direct impact on you and your children. If I become an alcoholic...you obviously will be affected. If I spend money frivolously...you will learn to be careless with money, too. If I speak jealously of others...you will learn to be the same way.

I pray that I am a good example for you. I pray that I don't let me sins and struggles affect you. I need to break free from my sin so I may be an honorable mother.

Dear Lillian, Honor God with your lips

Dear Lillian,

I'm realizing that no matter how hard I try, there are just some people that cannot be satisfied.

There will come a time in your life where you will pour your heart and soul into a project, and maybe you fail according to others' standards and expectations. I want you to remember not to give up. Satan will use all of the negativity to bring you down. He will try to get to you by saying you're not good enough. Know that you are good enough. Know that if you are following God's plan for your life...then you are exactly where you should be. The dissatisfaction from other people often springs from a dissatisfaction with their own life. They are unhappy with themselves, therefore they push that on other people.

We never know what's really going on in a person's heart. Only God does. If you perform the best you can and do it honorably...then you did nothing wrong.

Give people grace. Forgive them. Love them. Honor God with your heart AND your mouth.

"'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." 
-Matthew 15:8

“When I am consumed by my problems-stressed out about my life, my family, and my job-I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice.”
― Francis Chan

Dear Lillian, invest your love

Dear Lillian,

It's so easy to get caught up in worldly things. Society equates nice things to success.

Life is not about fancy cars and big houses. It's not about 7 figure incomes and designer hand bags. Always remember that the eye can be deceiving. We never know what's going on inside of a person. They could be maxing out credit cards to "keep up with the Jones'."

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har
har har, har har

awake my soul...
awake my soul...

In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker

Where we invest our love, we invest our life. Don't spend your life investing in material possessions that you love. 

"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."

-Jonah 2:8

Francis Chan said:  “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.”

Don't spend your life, your money, your love succeeding at things that don't really matter.

Dear Lillian, Many the Miles

Dear Lillian,

I heard a song on Pandora today...

There's too many things that I haven't done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something

I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then Love comes in

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to follow you Love

 It made me think of how many miles I have come to get to you. 400 miles. I followed your dad to Georgia in order to get to you.

I look back at the past two years of my life...I got engaged, married, moved to Georgia, started a child portrait photography business, started a wedding photography business with a partner, closed my portrait business, got involved with our church...then got pregnant.

July always seems to mark monumental moments in my life. I got engaged July 18, 2010. So looking to my future, I'm not sure where I'll be July 18, 2013. I'm hoping the miles will bring me somewhere new. I long to raise you in Tennessee. I couldn't think of a better place for you to grow up! I don't want to waste away your childhood being miserable in Georgia, while wishing you would get to grow up near family. I hope and pray that we will be in Tennessee in a year.

I'm realizing that a home is much like a church. It's a body of people, not a place or building. Georgia is not my home, because my family and friends aren't here.

How far do I have to go to get to home? Many the miles...but send me the miles.

Dear Lillian, I saw your beautiful feet today...

I had the anatomy ultrasound today and they said you looked perfectly healthy. It seems like you have my feet.

I think about those feet often when you kick inside my stomach...
I often wonder when I'll be able to hold those little feet. When will you take your first steps? I think about painting your toes and future trips to get pedicures together. I think about the pidder padder of them running through the house. I think about how you'll try on my oversized heels and stomp around in them. I think about the times you'll run to me when you're hurt. I think about you learning to kick in the water. I think about taking you to get new shoes for the first day of school. I think about the times you'll stomp up the stairs mad. About gym shoes, high heels and even prom shoes. I think about you walking out the door on your first date. Or those little feet walking across the stage at your high school graduation. I think about those feet stepping in your wedding gown and walking down the aisle at your wedding.

I see those little feet in the picture and I see an entire future. Lillian, I pray you use those feet to follow Christ, to walk away from harm and evil, and to honor God with all that you do. Use your beautiful feet to serve God with your talents.

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

Dear Lillian, you have a purpose

Dear Lillian,

I woke up today exhausted and not feeling well. I went to church and was feeling very dizzy and nauseous. I started to throw myself a pity party about being sick and pregnant during the hottest months of the year.

While waiting in line in the restroom, I overheard a conversation between a pregnant woman and another woman. The one lady asked if this was the pregnant lady's first child. She replied, "No, it's my fourth and I'm about to pop!" The other lady was stunned and asked if she planned to have any more children. The pregnant lady said, "Well, I found out I have cervical cancer and have to have a hysterectomy and go through chemotherapy after I deliver, so it won't be possible to have any more children." The other lady was stunned and said she was sorry that lady has to endure cancer while pregnant. The pregnant lady replied, "It's not a burden! If it wasn't for this baby I wouldn't have found out about the cancer in time. This baby saved my life. There was a purpose for this baby."

I stopped my pity party right there.

It made me realize that you have a purpose in life. A purpose perfectly planned out by God. You may never know your purpose while you live on earth. Some people's lives are still impacting others even after they are long gone. I pray that you follow God's plan for your life.

You may have been a surprise baby, but God planned out the exact time for you to be born. I know He is going to do big things with your life. Love him, honor him and follow him with every bit your life.

-Me.

Dear Lillian, honor God with your talents

Dear Lillian,

It's a sad reality to face, but people are always going to copy others. When I was a senior in high school, we had to write a short children's story for our English class. I always loved creative writing and had written several children's stories for different classes throughout high school. One of my stories was "A Hug from a Slug" that I wrote for my child development class. When our assignment was due for my senior English class, I overheard a girl sitting next to me bragging about how she stole a book from another class that someone else had written and it was about a bug that wanted a hug. I knew it was my book that she stole. I went to the teacher that I originally wrote the book for and asked if she still had it on the shelf. Of course it was missing. I didn't want to make a big deal about the book, so I asked her to kindly report the book missing. Needless to say, when the girl turned the book in she got a big fat ZERO and suspended for plagiarism.

There will be a time in your life where someone will copy something that you worked hard on. It's heartbreaking. I pray that you will use the talents God gave you to serve others and glorify him. Your talents are NOT about YOU! Don't try to be like other people. Strive to pursue a life that seeks after God. If you spend your life copying others to further yourself, what will you gain? Emptiness.

Matthew 16:26:
²⁶ What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? ²⁷ For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

 Lillian, life is beautiful. Live it being a God-honoring person.

-Me

Dear Lillian, today I made orange drop cookies

Dear Lillian,

When I was a little girl, my parents called me cookie monster. I loved to eat cookies. Nilla wafers, chocolate chip cookies and my all time favorite...orange drop cookies.

Today I had a craving for orange drop cookies. The are quite time consuming to make, but I went ahead and made them. I knew you would love them. You starting kicking really hard when I snuck a warm cookie.

Some day I will teach you how to make orange drop cookies. They aren't that complicated to make, but it does take technique to make sure they are soft and not burnt!

I may have snuck two cookies. Your dad loves them, too. I have to make sure I ration them out and get some myself before he comes home. However, he knows all of my hiding spots. I tried the microwave, cabinets, under our bed, drawers, etc. I always hear him rumbling around late at night looking for the cookies. I have a feeling...you will be the same. :-)

Orange Drop Cookie recipe from Betty Crocker Cookie Book:

• 2 cups flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2/3 shortening
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 egg, room temperature
• 1/2 cup orange juice
• 2 tablespoons orange zest, grated

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside.
3. In another large mixing bowl, mix butter, sugar and egg thoroughly. Stir in orange juice and rind.
4. Mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients.
5. Drop rounded teaspoonfuls of dough about 2" apart on ungreased baking sheet.
6. Bake 8-10 minutes or until delicately browned on edges.
7. Remove from cookie sheets and cool completely. Store in an airtight container.

Orange butter Icing:

Mix 2.5 TBSP of butter with 1.5 cups of powdered sugar. Add 2 TSP of orange rind and 2 TBSP of orange juice.

You can tell this recipe book has been used a lot!

-Me

Dear Lillian, I saw your tiny kicks

Dear Lillian,

Over the past few weeks, I've felt you move quite frequently. It wasn't until today that I actually saw your little kicks.

Your dad was sitting next to me and got to see it at the same time. He seemed pretty amazed. It's strange to think that a tiny human is growing inside of me.

You can barely see the tiny kicks in the video, but it's definitely noticeable in person. You haven't stopped moving since.

We ate Mexican food tonight and I'm wondering if you get as excited as I do when I have Mexican food. It's my favorite. Lillian, I probably eat Mexican food three times a week. In fact, I ate it twice today. Your dad loves it as much as I do. I think that's one of the reason's I married him. :-)

This has been the most challenging month of my pregnancy. I have been very sick since I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks. I went from throwing up several times a day to only a few times a week. I'm glad the queasiness is easing up, but the exhaustion is not. This month, I have been photographing weddings like crazy. I just got back from photographing a wedding in Charleston, South Carolina. It took quite a physical toll on my body.

I realized something this past weekend. I must put you first. I'm so used to putting every one else above my own needs. Even though you are a part of me, I must put you first...above my clients and above my needs. If my body says rest...I must rest. If my body says stop...I must stop. If I'm hungry...I must eat. Your entire life support is dependent upon me. I need to do everything I can to protect you. I have decided to take it easy and cut way back on my photography business until you are born. I cannot fathom putting my future success above your health and well-being. You are too precious for me to take for granted.

-Me

Dear Lillian, You have a name

Dear Lillian,

That's right. You have a name. It's Lillian Faye Anderson. Your dad wanted to name you Faye and I wanted to name you Brynn. I'm glad we both decided on Lillian. It seems to suit you well...even though I've never met you!

Lillian means "God is my vow" and also "Flower".

I love this quote by William Bliss Carman:

"I took a day to search for God, 
And found Him not; but as I trod,
By rocky ledge, through woods untamed,
Just where one scarlet LILY flamed,
I saw His footprint in the sod."

We chose Faye after your father's friend's last name that passed away a couple of years ago. His last name was "Fay". 

I'm having a blast purchasing little girl dresses. I can't wait to put you in them. :-)

You have a gender. You have a name. It's seems so much more real now! I can't believe in a few short months...I will get to hold you.

-Me

Dear Baby A, I know your gender

Dear Baby,

You have a gender!

You're growing so big inside of me. It is strange to feel you move around in my belly.

Me at 19 weeks pregnant

We found out that you are a girl! Even though I secretly hoped and longed for a daughter, your dad and I made a bet. I bet that you were a boy and he said a girl. The ultrasound tech told us what to look for on the screen and then asked what we thought you were. I said I saw a boy. Your dad said, nope that's a little girl! And he was right. :-)

Your little girl parts...18 week ultrasound

We were elated! 

Here's the video I made to announce to everyone...

You were too wiggly the day we had the ultrasound. They could only tell your gender. We have to go back to do your measurements in July. :-) 

-Me

Dear Baby A, your big sister

 Dear Baby A,

Your big sister (A.K.A Ms. Mabel the cat) is not happy about sharing her room.

She guards your windowsill hoping she won't have to give up her favorite sunning spot. 

Before we took the bed out of your room, she would sleep on it everyday. She loves to sleep on your bedspread.

She doesn't want to share her daddy with anyone...including me.

-Me

Dear Baby A, I am your mother

Dear Baby,

You don't know me yet, but I'm your mother. Just typing those words sends chills through my body. I can't believe I'm going to be a mother. Some people spend years trying to have a child. You just happened. Don't get me wrong, there was no mistake in this matter. It was perfectly planned out by our creator in heaven. He has a purpose for you.

I'm sitting here in what your dad and I call the white room. It's basically a second guest room in our house and all of the furniture and linens are white. I spent all day yesterday cleaning out the closet and pitching junk. I want the room to be finished when you arrive and well, I'm a procrastinator. I figured if I get a lot done now, I won't stress out as much later on.

You're only 7 weeks in my womb right now…the size of a blueberry according to my iPhone app. Can you believe you were ever that small? Not one minute of the day goes by without you crossing my mind…."Did I overdo it today? Did I eat enough today? Should I eat more vegetables?"

Your dad and I were discussing baby names last night while eating mellow mushroom pizza. We don't know whether you are a boy or a girl, but we decided it's best to wait until we see your precious face to settle on a name. We have a few in mind. We love Finley and Canon for a boy and also Faye and Edelyn for a girl. He's excited that you are coming. He kisses my belly everyday and rubs his extremely long beard across it. We have never been more terrified and excited in our lives. We hope we will be good parents for you. We love you so much already.

-Me