Teatime with Lillian

I hope to have many more tea parties with Miss Lily and her dolls. For now, I get to pretend and dream about future parties together. It's hard to imagine what she will look like when she's old enough to ask for a tea party. I have a feeling she will be a little diva.

Right now her eyes are blue when we are in the car or inside, but green when she's outside. If you hold her near a window, they are blue with green flecks. I wonder what color they will turn out?

 She's a mama's girl. I'm okay with that. :)

The picture below very much captures her personality. She wants to be a big girl and she wants to do it herself. She's impatient and stubborn like her father. ;-P

But she looks like me.

Joshua bought me a new camera. I had no idea that he ordered it until he blew the surprise. He's doesn't get that surprises are meant to be kept secret until they arrive. Either way, I was excited. It's like the feeling you get when you buy new paint or a fresh canvas, except the world is my canvas and I get to capture it in a new way with a new tool.

My two favorite quotes from artists:

I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for.Georgia O'Keeffe

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.
Dorothea Lange

Raising Lillian

The aroma of ink and toner from freshly xeroxed papers overwhelmed me as I strolled by a small business downtown. Reminiscent of the aromas from my days spent printing spreads for design classes, I remembered how much I loved the smell of newly printed pages. A fit of jealousy grabbed a hold of me as I gazed at the giant windows and exposed brick walls. It was my dream office.

I was pushing my baby in the stroller while walking downtown when a flurry of questions roamed my head. Questions like, "What would I be doing if I didn't move to Georgia?" "Where would I be had I chosen a career over love?" Years spent acquiring skills to better my future have gone unused and often forgotten. Time spent well, but was it wasted? 

A tiny figment of regret stirred inside me, just briefly, until I remembered the indecisive college student I used to be. I could never decide on one career, one major. I had too many passions and none seemed to fill this empty void residing in my heart.

You see, I chose 8 different majors in college, but the only thing that has remained constant throughout my life has been my desire to have a family...to embark on a journey that brings joy and life into this world.

If we are called to live gloriously, joyfully, for God, then I believe the only way to achieve this is by living according to his will. For the first time in my life, I can say I feel complete-full of joy, love, life. I feel I am exactly where God wants me to be, pursuing his beautifully orchestrated plan. A plan that far surpasses any plan I attempted to design for myself. My family is my purpose, a purpose I spent long nights searching for in college. The battle inside me is gone. Someday I may pursue a career, but as of right now I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing. Raising Lillian.

At just one month shy of a year ago, Joshua spoke these words to me, "When we make a plan, God laughs." That night we decided to wait a few years to have a baby.

The next day I found out I was pregnant.

From now on, my only plan is to follow in the path of the One who makes all things work together for my good.

How he loves...

During this trip you learned to smile. You have proceeded to manipulate me with it during your 3AM feedings. Good thing you learned how to do that, too, because I was about to go crazy with the lack of sleep. I can't get mad when you flash that smile at me! :-)

You were spoiled rotten with books and toys and clothes! Sadly, you will have no recollection of your first Christmas or what you received. As thankful as I am for those presents, I hope you will remember at future Christmases how loved you are. It's not about the presents. It's about the baby Jesus, the Prince of Peace...and how he loves us. Oh how he loves us.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us unconditionally, he knows our faults, yet he still loves us. I hope you never forget the love he has for you. The love a parent has for their child is modeled after the way God loves his children...unconditionally.

Turn negatives into positives

Today I took some photos of you and I together. You cooperated for most of the session. Then you had a meltdown. I was glad to finally get some good shots of your face. Generally, you bury it in a pillow on the bed so I can't see it.

We spent the day doing typical things...cleaning, laundry, lunch with your daddy at Panera, running errands. You do so well with us toting you around town.

Monday you will go on your first road trip with me. I hope and pray that it won't be stressful or raining. It always rains when I drive to Nashville.

Quality time with Lillian

Happy baby/sad baby

Big Blue Eyes

7 weeks old & lifting head up!

Of course it's not a photo shoot with Lillian without screaming!

Every day people come up to me and tell me how beautiful you are. Even your dad said the other night that you keep getting cuter every day. I like to tease him and say that you are going to be a gorgeous artist. He likes to say if that's the case, then you'll be poor. He wants you to be smart and successful. I hope for all of the above.

Ultimately, I hope, with whatever career you choose, that you will be persistent. Don't let someone tear you down or destroy your dreams. Always take the negative and turn them into positives. Creative minds tend to take things personally. It's hard not to, but don't let the thoughts of "not being good enough" get inside your head. Life is too short to spend it worrying about what other people think of you.

I have learned in the past year to not look at what other peers say about my work or about me. They do not know my heart. I also learned to not look at other peers' work. I just do my own thing now and I really don't care if I'm the best in the business. In my industry, it's easy to blog-stalk other peers and either copy their work or get feelings of inadequacy from seeing it. I'm not creating art for them...I'm trying to use my talents to glorify God. I pray that is what you do with your life. Use your talents wisely and glorify God with them.

Silver and Gold...

I'm watching Hope Floats right now. I love that movie. The full quotes is...

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..."

I hope you never experience a heartbreak. I know they help you grow, but it's painful. I pray you will be a good judge of character with any person you get into a relationship with whether it's a friend or more than a friend. I've made too many mistakes with relationships.

You need relationships in your life, but surround yourself with relationships that will build you up, not break you down. Be kind to everyone, but guard your heart. It's precious and delicate. Choose friends that will be timeless...those that will stay around through thick and thin. Be ware of those that have jealous or judgmental behavior. Those people are toxic.   

A true friend will be there with a hand out if you fall down. They won't desert you or use you until you don't benefit them anymore. Maintain your integrity within your relationships. Don't try to be like that person. Just be you and if they are a true friend they will stick around.

I'm traveling to Nashville on Monday with you, and you will meet some of my true friends. They have been with me through so much and I'm thankful they still remain my friends even though distance separates us. They have become like sisters to me.

I remember learning this rhyme in Daisies. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."

I will cherish your every moment...

Tonight I fed you and rocked you. Your head was on my shoulder and we rocked cheek to cheek. Your tiny breaths tickled my neck and I thought how I didn't want that moment to end. I want you to stay little forever.

As exhausted as I am, I want to cherish every moment and every inch of you. Your scent of sweet milk and burts bees, your coos while you sleep, the piggy sound you make while you eat and how you sound like Maggie Simpson with your pacifier.

I want to remember:

Your tiny fingers around my thumb

The way you rub your eyes when you're tired

How sweet you look while sleeping

The wrinkles on your feet

How much you remind me of your father

The way you looked at 3 weeks old

How you smile while you dream

Sweet honey bee

Dear Lillian,

I hope you will always remember your parents like that picture. Everybody fights and has bad days. It's important to surround yourself with people that will stick with you through those bad days and love you anyways.

That's how I think of your father. Somebody who sticks with me through my bad days and loves me still the same, if not more.

Dear Lillian, invest your love

Dear Lillian,

It's so easy to get caught up in worldly things. Society equates nice things to success.

Life is not about fancy cars and big houses. It's not about 7 figure incomes and designer hand bags. Always remember that the eye can be deceiving. We never know what's going on inside of a person. They could be maxing out credit cards to "keep up with the Jones'."

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har
har har, har har

awake my soul...
awake my soul...

In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker

Where we invest our love, we invest our life. Don't spend your life investing in material possessions that you love. 

"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."

-Jonah 2:8

Francis Chan said:  “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.”

Don't spend your life, your money, your love succeeding at things that don't really matter.